Canadian CL Alternative


Personally, I find all spanking erotic. The more serious it feels when I am being spanked, the more erotic it feels afterwards. Although, since being in a relationship, I have found that it is possible to be spanked in such a way that during I only feel pain, nevertheless, the after-effect is arousal. Indeed, I can't really imagine it having a beneficial effect on me if I didn't ultimately find it arousing. I don't really believe that you can cure bad habits by spanking. You have to want to change the habit enough to do it. I honestly don't think that you can use spanking as some kind of aversion therapy. Fear of punishment does not seem to me a good reason for doing or not doing anything, especially not in my case, since fear is an emotion that tends to arouse defiance rather than submission in me. I used to be afraid of my husband when he lost his temper and shouted at me, but it never made me feel submissive, it just made me hate him. I try to obey my husband (with mixed success) because I find it sexy. Being spanked for being disobedient, rude, bad-tempered or whatever doesn't actually stop me doing those things again, but it makes me feel more affectionate and loving towards my husband and therefore more submissive and therefore more likely to try to obey him in the future. But I can't be cured of bad habits by spanking; it just doesn't work that way for me. I certainly don't think you should spank someone beyond what both of you are comfortable with. My husband very much dislikes it when he occasionally causes bruises; he doesn't like the idea of hurting me excessively. Charlotte, who has been trying to cure a bad habit through physical chastisement, said that her husband is reluctant to cause her too much pain. I think that is a good thing!

There is more respect now

I don't really know if being submissive physically can help me change a bad habit, but my interactions with my husband are substantially more respectful since we started a relationship. I think some of it just his being willing to stand up to me. Him looking at me with that "ok that's enough, stop" look works wonders. His words have a huge effect on me. I listen carefully to what he is saying. We may be standing in the kitchen and I may not have been taken in hand phyiscally in a long while. But the fact that I have in the past and I might today keeps me in check. My anger and frustation are easily diffused by a look or a stern word. So yes, being taken in hand changes my behavior in that I feel more respectful.

Being more respectful

Being in love has changed my behaviour in a way, in that I do try to be more respectful and pay more attention to what my husband wants, but this is not because I am afraid of being spanked. Yes, my husband can diffuse bad temper or sullenness or whatever with a stern look or a word, but it is his ability to exert authority over me without aggresion or physical force that I find arousing, and therefore it works in that way, it's not fear of punishment that makes me behave better.
I find the idea that a person's behaviour can be permanently changed by punishment quite bizarre. If I really thought that my husband believed that it was possible to perfect my behaviour by spanking me, I would find this incredibly stressful, because I know that is never going to happen. I'm not perfectable and neither is he. We both have faults and smacking my bottom is not going to cure me of mine, and I certainly hope he doesn't expect it to, because if he does he's doomed to disappointment.

Changing behavior

Perhaps changing behaviors by punishment is possible. Louise, I have heard you say yourself that you are much better about certain things lately. I am much more interested in changing certain behaviors since my husband and I started this. There are only a few things I am working on so I don't feel controlled nor is it stressful. But I do find the knowledge that I might get spanked or even verbally chastised for certain behaviors a detterent. Him simply taking the time and energy to correct me in any way has a huge impact on my life. I have seen a change in one area that was a huge concern of mine as it has been a problem in my family (mom and dad) in the past. I don't want to follow in their footsteps. I am so thankful that my husband has cared enough to reign me in and I'm glad I have given him the authority to do it. I feel much more hopeful about not allowing certain problem areas to overwhelm my life now that my husband is more involved in helping me overcome these obstacles. He could help me without spanking I'm sure. Most of the time he does. It just might be a little harder that's all.

Respects as a result of being in love

If I behave better in some respects as a result of being in love, it is not because of fear of punishment, which, as I've said, I do not regard as a good reason to obey anyone. One of the main problems in our marriage was that my husband is a very quick-tempered man, and would sometimes lose his temper seriously, to an extent where I actually used to get quite frightened of him. This had a very bad effect on me. It was very difficult for me to talk to him about this, because I didn't really think it could change anything, but after reading this site and realising that this was what I really wanted, I thought it was worth a try. I told him that if he would try not to lose his temper with me, I would try much harder not to do the things that caused him to lose his temper. And, somewhat to my surpise, this has worked. I do try much harder, and he doesn't lose his temper with me any more, even when things have happened that have seriously annoyed him. We are more considerate of each other's feelings now, he tries not to hurt me by losing his temper, and I try not to give him cause. I still get spanked, considerably harder than I used to, but I am still not afraid of this. The reason I try harder to please him is not fear of punishment, but greatly increased respect for him now that I know that he can master himself, and therefore master me. An increased desire to please him is what has helped me to alter certain aggravating aspects of my behaviour, in other words, love, not fear, is the motivation. Now that I am getting much longer, harder and more painful spankings than I ever did before, it is a 'help' in the sense that I feel increased submissiveness and arousal when I am spanked, but I do not fear these spankings, and punishment avoidance is not what makes me more obedient.